Thursday, January 14, 2021

A Look Back at the Original Bullshit Barbie

We can't close out the era of Trump incompetence and ignorance without a special tribute to the original beacon of non-truth, sister Sarah Sanders.  Sanders was the White Press secretary from July 2017 to July 2019, assuming the position after Sean Spicer's ignominious exit.   Her tenure as press secretary was characterized by a tension-filled relationship with the White House press corps, due to her constant lying and outright refusal to answer questions.

In June 2017, Sanders said during a press briefing that the "president in no way, form or fashion has ever promoted or encouraged violence." However, in February 2016, Trump said during a presidential campaign speech: "So if you see somebody getting ready to throw a tomato, knock the crap out of them, would you? ... I promise you, I will pay for the legal fees. I promise."

In February 2018, Sanders lied repeatedly regarding the termination of Robert Porter over domestic abuse allegations.  She initially claimed that Porter's background was ongoing, and that the White House had not received any paperwork regarding the completion of his FBI background check-- but FBI Director Christopher Wray later revealed that to be a lie.  Sanders then tried to change her story, saying that it was the White House security office investigation was ongoing-- but that contradicted an earlier statement of hers saying that the background clearance process "doesn't operate within the White House."  Sanders then said that Porter had made a "personal decision" to leave the White House, while White House deputy press secretary Raj Shah later admitted that Porter was "terminated".

In June 2018, when questioned on the Trump's immigration policies resulting in the separation of migrant children from their parents at the Mexico border, Sanders stated, "it is very biblical to enforce the law."  Christian leaders characterized her statement as "disgraceful", while Bible scholar and professor Matthew Schlimm said that the Bible was being misused just as slave traders and Nazis had done many times in history.

In an August 2018 press conference, Sanders was asked multiple times to say that the media was not the "enemy of the people", and Sanders shockingly refused to do so.

In September 2018, Sanders used her official government Twitter account to tweet that the writer of an anonymous New York Times editorial was a "gutless loser" and to charge that those in the newspaper's opinion department are "the only ones complicit in this deceitful act".  Sanders' tweet revealed the unpublished telephone number of the newspaper's opinion desk, and two former White House ethics chiefs declared that Sanders's tweet had violated federal law in an abuse of power.

In November 2018, Sanders released a doctored video to justify the childish decision to suspend the press credentials of Jim Acosta after one of her interns tried to take away his microphone during an exchange with Trump.

In 2019, the Mueller report revealed that Sanders had admitted that she lied when giving a press conference on the firing of James Comey, the former FBI director.  She repeatedly told the press that "countless members" of the FBI had contacted her to complain about Comey-- but under oath admitted to investigators that her claims were "a slip of the tongue" and "not founded on anything".  Sanders also made false statements about when Trump decided to fire James Comey, as well as lying about Attorney General Jeff Sessions and Deputy Attorney General Rod Rosenstein's involvement in the Comey firing.

Under Sanders, the White House set at least three records for the most days between formal press briefings. The White House had a 41-day streak which ended in January 2019, then a 42-day streak which ended in March 2019, followed by 94 days without a formal press briefing when Sanders' departure was announced.

Sanders was the butt of numerous jokes throughout her controversial tenure, and was also known by many hilarious nicknames-- the best of which are:

  • Hillbilly Morticia
  • Sarah Huckster
  • The Wicked Witch of White Trash
  • Miss Ark and Saw
  • Sarah Suckabee
  • Sister Smother
  • Kentucky Fried
  • The Hokey Handmaiden
  • Sarah Suckup
  • Basic Atrocity
  • The Spin Mistress
  • Miss Pinocchio
  • Sarah Slanders
  • Miss Fake News Spews
  • Hucklescary Finn
  • Not-So-Slim Shady
  • Elvira Mistress of the Trailer Park
  • Miss Deliverance
  • Backslidden Christian Girl Serving the Antichrist
  • Huckabeast Junior
  • Hog Slop Barbie
  • Factose Intolerant Farm Girl
  • Evangelical Hellhound
  • Alt-right Spokesmodel
  • The Arkansas Medusa
  • Duck Dynasty Diva

When President Trump decided to end DACA, Sanders was prepared with a statement putting the blame squarely on Congress, whom she claimed should “do the job they were elected to do.”  Comedian Steven Colbert did not hold back regarding her assertion that someone needed to get it together and do their job.  “Yeah, maybe a president with an executive order, you dumb-dumb,” replied Colbert.

In November 2017, after Sanders calmly clarified that no one in the Trump administration supported slavery, Conan O'Brien chimed in.  “To put that into perspective,” Conan O’Brien said, “the last press secretary who had to make that claim worked for Ulysses S. Grant.”

After joking that Sanders’ press briefings are nothing but lies, Michelle Wolf said at the White House Correspondents dinner, “I actually really like Sarah. I think she’s very resourceful. She burns facts, and then she uses that ash to create a perfect smokey eye.”

After Sanders left the Trump Administration, she made news again when she mocked Joe Biden's stutter during a Democratic Presidential debate, tweeting, "I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I hhhave absolutely no idea what Biden is talking about. #DemDebate." Biden replied, "I worked my whole life to overcome a stutter.  And it's my great honor to mentor kids who have experienced the same.  It’s called empathy. Look it up."  

An utterly disgraced Sanders was forced to apologize.

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