The Week Sure Zipped By

Still Famous for Making a Sex Tape: Kim Kardashian gives birth to a daughter. (USA Today)

Holy Motors: Pope Francis blesses thousands of Harley Davidson motorcycle enthusiasts on the company's 110th anniversary. (The Australian)

Lago, Camera, Action: President of Nigeria Goodluck Jonathan announces a $18 million-equivalent fund to support the Nollywood film industry. (allAfrica) 

Grisly Grizzlies: Russian smugglers carrying 213 bear paws are arrested in China. (Global Times)

So Why Do They Cross the Road: A new study finds that chickens possess numeracy skills and self-control. (Herald Sun)  

Sleeping With the Fishes: Actor James Gandolfini, best known for portraying Tony Soprano in The Sopranos, dies of a heart attack at the age of 51. (ABC News)

 

While You Weren't Looking

Kicking the Competition: At the Tony Awards, Kinky Boots takes home the most awards, with six, including Best Musical. (Los Angeles Times)

Leaker Leaves: Former CIA employee Ed Snowden comes forward as the source of recent NSA leaks. Fearful of prosecution for his actions, he defects to Hong Kong. (Washington Post)

Double Fault: Rafael Nadal Rafael Nadal wins a record-extending eighth French Open title by defeating fellow Spaniard David Ferrer.  The event is marred by two protesters, one of whom ignites a flare on court, evoking memories of the 1993 Monica Seles stabbing in Germany. (Reuters via News24)

Land of the Setting Sun: Jiroemon Kimura, who had been the world's oldest living person and the verified longest lived man ever, dies in the Japanese city of Kyotango. (AFP via New Strait Times) 

Duplicity on the Diamond: Officials of Nippon Pro Baseball in Japan acknowledge that they introduced a new, livelier ball for the current season. Previously, NPB had denied that a marked increase in homes runs from last season was due to changes in the ball. (AP via Fox News)

Antitrust Anti-Body: The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that isolated human genes are not patentable, invalidating BRCA gene patents held by Myriad Genetics. (WSJ) 

The Week That Was: 8/22/08

Time Is On Our Side: After resisting all demands for setting a timetable for withdrawing from Iraq, after mocking Barack Obama when he called for a timeline for withdrawal, there are now reports that Bush is negotiating for . . . . a timeline for withdrawal from Iraq!

British surgeons are preparing to perform the world's first full face transplant. If you ask me, the Olsen twins should fork over whatever it takes to get on the short list.

Giving A Whole New Meaning To "The Rubber Game of the Match": Even in the staid environment of the Beijing Olympics, there are reports that the athletes village is a hotbed of sex. Don't forget to stick the landing!

Thank God: According to a new poll, for the first time in a dozen years a majority of Americans believe that churches and religious institutions should “keep out” of politics. Get out and don't come back.

Sweet Georgia Down: It's pretty obvious now that Russia intends to stage a full occupation of the sovereign country of Georgia. It's too bad (thanks to Bush's amateurish foreign policy) that we're in a position to do little but sit on the sidelines.

Jambo Bwana, Obama: The English press have reported that they have located Barack's long lost half-brother in a Kenyan slum. It seems that no American press have yet picked up the story-- whether that speaks to the veracity of the story or America's indifference to Africa in general, I hate to speculate.

The Week That Was: 8/15/08

This week's headlines were dominated by news from the Faux-lympics. China, which had long been famous for churning out phony products, can now stake claim to fake promises, fake fireworks, fake singing, and fake passports. And now come reports of even more fakery. It appears that children from China's dominant Han population were used in a key part of the Olympics opening ceremony, not youngsters from all 56 Chinese ethnic groups as originally claimed.

In contrast, American athletes are showing themselves to be the real deal. Our female gymnasts went gold-silver in the all-around and Michael Phelps is tearing up the pool, with 6 gold medals on his way to a record eight. The U.S. currently leads the overall medal count over China-- 44 medals vs. 38.

Georgia On My Mind: Russia invaded Georgia this week, brutally laying waste to major cities and destroying roads and critical infrastructure. The incident exposed the Medvedev farce, however, as Putin was clearly shown to be making critical decisions during the invasions. Unfortunately, George Bush's foreign policy incompetence left the U.S. unable to take any meaningful action in response. For years, W has needlessly poking a stick in Russia's eye, most recently pushing the missile defense system-- a system which most experts says won't work anyway.

Enquiring Minds Want To Know: Hate to say it, but a tabloid finally broke the long-rumored story of John Edward's affair. As some have said, if his infidelity had been exposed earlier, Hillary might have won the nomination.

The Week That Was: 8/8/08

An Army scientist who was suspected in the 2001 anthrax attacks was found dead of suicide. Throughout the week, the Feds released a succession of circumstantial evidence to convince the public of his guilt-- although many remained skeptical. One of their strongest pieces of evidence was the fact that he was crazy and had made threats and acted strangely. If he was so obviously nuts, then why the fuck was he allowed to continue working at a high-security DOD facility?

New estimates released this week showed that least 56,000 people become infected with the AIDS virus every year in the United States -- 40 percent more than previous calculations, according to the CDC. The data also confirmed that there is a severe impact of the epidemic among gay and bisexual men, as well as black men and women in the United States-- which helps to explain why the Bush administration has done little to address the issue.

There is a growing trend across the U.S. of Spanish-language news broadcasts beating English-language competitors in overall viewership. This may not last long if right-wing bigots continue in their efforts to send our economy into the dumpster in order to satisfy their anti-immigrant agenda.

An Ohio inmate convicted of raping and murdering two young women says he's too fat to be executed. How about we starve the bastard until he weighs 98 pounds, then finish him off?

The White House denied this week that the Bush administration directed the CIA to fake a letter tying Sadam Hussein to Al-Queda. Pulitzer Prize-winning author Ron Suskind says the story was confirmed by several sources and all the interviews are on tape. Could this turn out to be the proverbial Bush-gate?

McCain responded favorably to Paris Hilton's spoof of his "Obama Celebrity" attack ad. Wake up, dude-- she called you a 'wrinkly old guy' and compared you to the Golden Girls and the Cryptkeeper!

The Week That Was: 8/1/08

Governor Terminator bans trans fats in California. Next up? Fat Trannies . . . .

China's kicks off an effort to eliminate smog leading up to the Olympics. As expected, it doesn't work.

Lindsay Lohan is hit by a bike in New York City. Without the cocaine and ecstasy, she just doesn't move as fast as she used to.

A 44-year-old Canadian woman gives birth to her 18TH child. No word on whether or not she can still walk.

Airline abuse of passengers is getting out of control (Delta raises bag fees; USAir charges for water). When is the FAA going to do something to even the score-- like allow resale of tickets or beverages through security?

McCain goes negative and comes off like a cranky old man-- see here, here, and here. Obama strikes back.

Reports have surfaced that a cougar is on the loose in the Washington, DC suburbs. At last report, Jennifer Aniston was in Los Angeles hanging out with John Mayer.

The Week That Was: 2/25/08

Huck Fuckabee: Huckabee rolls on.  The presumptive GOP nominee tells the former governor to quit McRaining on his parade.

Brad Renfro'd: Another young actor drugs his way to the great beyond.

Sexual Predator Assaults the Vault: Rapist scratches a different itch and hits it big. Look at it this way-- at least now he'll be able to hire a hooker to get his kinks instead of preying on innocents.

No Frills Mills: Modern-day Yoko Ono decides to represent herself in her divorce. Legal experts say she doesn't have a leg to stand on.

You're Gonna Need A Bigger Coffin: Film actor Roy Scheider is dead at 75-- "Jaws" was the first time I had the shit scared out of me at the theater.

The War Of The Words Against the Empire Of The Yuan: Spielberg tells the Chinese to fuck off, and that they should do more to end the crisis in Darfur. Yeah, yeah-- Bush should do more too, but he's wasted all our political capital on Iraq and we gave up expecting anything from him long ago.

A Swing And A Miss: Clemens and his former trainer contradicted each other in congressional testimony this week. The former pitcher doesn't have credibility on his side, and could soon be under investigation for perjury.

Pardon My Husband: Hillary's handling of her husband's terrorist pardons back in 2000 may come back and haunt her. The WSJ had an interesting op-ed on the topic this week.

Scribes Scratch Strike: Hollywood writers are going back to work, with many of the shows returning with shortened seasons in about 4-6 weeks. Couch potatoes who were starting to lose weight can breath easier and look forward to packing the pounds back on. "Lost" is being shortened to a 13-ep season (to end on May 22) and "24" being postponed to 2009 altogether.

Chavez The Chicken: Hugo backs down on his threat to cut off U.S. oil supplies and decides to pick on a smaller target-- cutting off sales to Exxon. The sound you don't hear is Exxon not trembling in its boots.

At The Movies: A lot of crap at the multiplex this weekend-- "Spiderwick Chronicles" (Bites); "Definitely, Maybe" (Definitely, not); "Step Up 2" (Step away from the ticket window). The Daily Dude's best bet is "Jumper", which is being dumped on by the critics-- but it might have some cool effects, and it does star Samuel Jackson, so there might be some decent highlights.

The Week That Was: 2/8/08

McCain Reigns; Mitt Quits; Huckabee Key: The former 'Nam POW powers through Super Tuesday with a commanding lead. After flip-flopper Romney bows out, speculation is rife that Huckabee is staying in to broker a VP slot. Stay tuned.

Bama and Mama: Despite splitting Super Tuesday evening with Hillary, Barack is still painting himself the underdog. There is much speculation that Obama will end up as the veep candidate at a brokered convention-- there's no way Hillary will play second fiddle to a man again. It's now or never for her.

White Men Can't Prosecute: Wesley Snipes pulled an O.J, getting cleared of tax fraud charges. I guess we can all look forward to "Blade: Quatro"

Calling Miss Utility: To make matters even worse for Asia and the Middle East, a third underwater cable was cut-- interrupting internet service even further. Millions of folks were forced outside their homes, where they weren't be able to drink (Saudi Arabia), kiss women in public (India) or openly criticize their government (China). Fellas-- let's get that internet going again, so people can go back indoors and have some fun . . .

Joran [in the] Van: [I dumped] der Sloot: A Dutch reporter finally gets the scoop on the Natalie Holloway story-- by getting the snotty little cretin to admit on film that he was involved with her death and that he arranged to have her dead body dumped into the ocean. There is no justice in Aruba or anywhere for U.S. citizens if this asshole doesn't get jail time.

They Might Be Giants: The almighty Patriots fall to the New York Giants in a highly-rated and close Super Bowl, making it back-to-back rings for the Manning family. In return, Eli and company get the first ticker-tape parade in NYC since 2000.

Not A Prayer, Blair: Despite heavy politicking, European diplomats say it'll be a cold day in hell before Tony gets the EU Presidency. War's a bitch, dude.

Head Over Heels For Good Sex: An Italian doctor says that wearing high heels strengthens your pelvic muscles, which will therefore improve your sex life. There was no mention of how much "field work" was done for the study, buy of course the advice applies only to women, not men.


At The Movies: The weekend movie selection is a little bit like Super Tuesday-- something for the white folks and something for the black folks. And in the end, everything gets split up the middle. The new Kate Hudson-Matthew McConaughey film must surely be named for any fool that parts with his gold to go see it. And even the commercials for the new Martin Lawrence comedy ("Roscoe Jenkins") are cringe-inducing.

What's getting so-so reviews might be worth a change of pace-- Vince Vaughn's "Wild West Comedy Show". Not a standard comedy, but a documentary of a 30-day road tour of four stand-up comedians. "In Bruges", garnering good marks for Collin Farrell and Ralph Fienes performances, looks to be a fun piece of filmmaking as well.

The Week That Was: 2/1/08

And The Race Goes On: Obama romps on South Carolina; Hillary wins a beauty contest; McCain shines in Florida. With everyone turning on Romney, the GOP is losing excitement-- but the Dems look to have a real fight on their hands.

Stand By Your Man: Like a high-stakes game of musical chairs, there seems to be a rush of folks taking sides. The Kennedy clan backs Obama as does Paul Volcker and Tiger Woods; Guiliani and Schwarzenegger stand up for McCain, who scored big with the endorsement by the Florida governor; At the moment, Mitt and Hillary look a little bit like wallflowers at the prom. Like a true lawyer, Edwards seems to be gaming the situation a bit before he commits.

Redefining the "quarter bag": California begins distribution of marijuana via vending machines. If Japan can do it with soiled panties, why not pot?

Where The Rubber(s) Hit The Road: Brazil's Carnaval is cranking up and they seem to be making the proper preparations. Mangueira, Oh Mangueira! At the same time, however, shocking statistics on the number of Brazilian murders in the last ten years seem to have little impact

(Chicken) Nuggets of Wisdom: In England, McDonald's has been approved to offer college-entrance exam level courses. I wonder if Cliff Notes will be available.


This Week At The Movies: If you have eyes for Jessica Alba, for god's sake-- surf the web and save yourself ten bucks. Over my dead body will anybody I know be allowed to see the new Eva Longoria flick-- it looks to be lamer than a "Desperate Housewives" re-run. If you're a girl under the age of 15, then you have special dispensation to see the Hannah Montana movie-- otherwise use your weekend wisely to catch up on the remaining Oscar nominees. I saw "There Will Be Blood" last weekend, and I thought it was a freakin' masterpiece ("I drink your milkshake-- I DRINK IT UP!")

The Week That Was: 1/25/08

Nevada Non-Event: Romney buys his way closer; Hillary wins vote; Obama takes more delegates-- things are as muddled as ever, and Super Tuesday may not settle things at all.

Bird's Nest of Controversy: Reports surface of China's covering up deaths at the Olympic Stadium construction site. Is anybody really surprised? Is anybody going to bother watching the games anyway?

Federal Bureau of Obfuscation: FBI is accused of covering up the theft of nuclear secrets by a Turkish-Israeli network. After eight years of Cheney, I can hear the nation's collective yawn.

There Will Be Mud: Oliver Stone is prepping a movie on George W. Bush, with Josh Brolin is set to star as "the nation's decider". I wanna know who's playing the twins, and will it be rated "R"?

Heath Death: 28-year-old actor found dead in NYC apartment. No early indications of foul play or suicide. Fans anxiously awaiting autopsy results for details.

Two Down, More To Come: Thompson and Kucinich drop out of the presidential race. No endorsements, no fall-out-- it's as if they were never running to begin with. Mmmm . . . .

Back To Crack: Amy Winehouse caught on video smoking crack. Police seize video. Singer reportedly going to rehab. The British tabloids have all the details. VH1 is already working on the script.

Featherbrains In India: It looks as if stupidity is an early symptom of the bird flu. Amid the worst outbreak yet in India, reports are coming in that villagers in rural India are hiding chickens from inspectors or outright refusing to hand over birds for culling. I guess having a few extra bucks is more important than being alive.


This Weekend At The Movies: Two-step your way past "How She Move" and rhumba your way past "Rambo". If you can find it on a screen near you, check out "U2 3D". Otherwise, be sure to see some of the Oscar contenders-- "There Will Be Blood", "No Country For Old Men", "Sweeney Todd" and "The Savages". I expect the box office receipts for the new Diane Lane movie will be "Untraceable".

The Week That Was: 1/18/08

Apple Debuts MacBook Air: The tiny new laptop is very slim and despite being light on features (No ethernet, no mobile broadband, no SD card slot, no firewire, non-removable battery) will likely fly off the shelves.

Monopoly Money: Zimbabwe is planning to issue its largest-denomination note ever-- $10,000,000 Zimbabwean dollars. In a country with an inflation rate thought to be in excess of 50,000%, that will be just enough to buy a few beers, perhaps (US$3.90).

Mitt Takes the Field: Romney's win in Michigan totally fucks up the whole Republican race. Will Rudy ride to the rescue? Or has Bush made such a complete mess of things that it doesn't matter who is nominated?

Not-So Buenos Aires: Bedlam reigned at Argentina's main airport after the country's main airline canceled international flights for a second day in a row. Frustrated passengers smashed ticket counters and threw objects at airline staff in the wake of a walkout by baggage handlers and ticket counter workers. Airline rights for everyone!

Back In Black: Scientists discover the 'darkest material" ever known to man. No, they didn't do a biopsy of Dick Cheney's brain-- they rolled up sheets of carbon nanotubes, silly. And how is this important, again?

Check (Out) Mate: Chess legend Bobby Fischer is dead at age 64. He had pissed off a lot of people for some anti-Semitic comments and for expressing support for the 9/11 attacks. He was just a nutter in his later years, I suppose.

Gordon's Organs: Britain's Prime Minister Brown is backing a proposal that would result in consent for organ donation after death being automatically presumed, unless individuals had opted out of the national register or family members objected. It's about time that we adopt the same system in the U.S. More than 100,000 patients are waiting for an organ donation at any given time in the U.S.-- 75% of which are waiting for kidneys, with over half of those dying before one becomes available.



This Weekend at the Movies: You'll be mad if you spend money on the new Diane Keaton/Katie Holmes/Queen Latifah comedy. And I can give you 27 reasons not to see "27 Dresses"-- not the least of which it stars someone from TV's "Grey's Anatomy". "Cloverfield", a modern take on the classic monster flick (from the producer of "Lost"), is getting some pretty good reviews-- but it has a lot of hand-held camera work, so bring some dramamine.

The Week That Was: 1/10/08

Eurotrash: Rubbish piles up in Naples; politicians have to deal with all the crap.

She Cries, She Scores: Hillary wins New Hampshire after a rare show of emotion. Get your kleenex ready for South Carolina.

Wearing Down Under: Australia launches the first regular air service with Antarctica.

By George, the Bastard Finally Knocked Off: Legendary explorer Sir Edmund Hillary is dead at the age of 88.

Blame The Dead: Musharraf, who denied Benazir Bhutto many basic security measures that he himself enjoys, blamed her for her own death.

As The "Monde" Turns: Rumors abound that France's Sarkozy plans to marry his girlfriend; his soon-to-be ex-wife says that he is a cheap bastard and doesn't deserve to lead the country. Meanwhile, his 23-year-old son joined a group of Sarkozy-hating rappers.

Illiterate, and That's The Way They Like It: New reports claim that nearly half of all Arab women can't read. Islamic leaders react in alarm, and plan to step up their efforts to oppress women even more.


At the Movies: "The Kite Runner" is getting middlin' reviews, and of course "The Bucket List" is pure drivel (sorry, Jack). If you're into horror flicks, "The Orphanage" (from Spanish director Juan Antonio Bayona) is getting good reviews. Or you could just spend time catching up with all the potential Oscar bait before the nominees are announced . . .

The Week That Was: 11/30/07

An 8th grader was suspended for 5 days for hugging a classmate. No details yet for you'll get for kissing, copping a feel, or getting inside your date's pants.

A couple of important elections are coming up this weekend. Democracy's down for the count in Russia; there may be hope for Venezuela.

Al Gore got his long overdue trip to the White House. George Bush does his part for global warming by giving Al Gore a chilly reception in the Oval Office. Smiling never looked like it hurt so much.

Darth Cheney experienced an irregular heartbeat this week. Not irregular enough for some folks.

Trent Lott announced his resignation from the Senate. In case you don't remember, Lott was the guy who said that if Strom Thurmond (that good 'ole segregationist) had been elected president (in 1948), "we wouldn’t have had all these problems over the years."

Puerto Rico's Miss Universe pageant was peppered with controversy this week when it was discovered that the winner's evening gown had been doctored with pepper spray. I guess you could say that she's one hot mama.

In an interview with Time this week, horror writer Stephen King said that Jenna Bush should be waterboarded, that Britany Spears was nothing more than trailer trash, and that the celebrity with the largest impact on American life this year was Hannah Montana. I'm not sure what smart-ass thing to say about all that.

A British teacher faces 15 days in jail for allowing one of her children to name a teddy bear "Mohammed", and thousands of Islamic fanatics wielding knives demand that she be executed instead. Britain's foreign minister does his best George Bush imitation saying he is "extremely disappointed".


At The Movies: Nothing especially high-profile or particularly noteworthy opening this weekend. Use the time to catch up on "No Country For Old Men", "American Gangster" or "Before The Devil Knows You're Dead" before the Oscar rush starts in earnest.

The Week That Was: 11/23/07

U.N. Sec. Gen Ban Ki-Moon visited Antarctica last week. Dude-- you're pathetic. Not only did you miss Ann Curry by over a day, she's already married! Do something about that global warming in your pants.

Baseball's steroid king Barry Bonds was indicted on charges he lied to a grand jury. Let's hope that baseball takes away the arrogant wanker's home run record as well.

Army desertion rates are at their highest in over 25 years. Duh. It just shows that soldiers are smarter than their commanders (in chief) and know when to get out.

Lindsay Lohan served 84 minutes in jail for a drunk driving offense. Just enough time for her to score some blow off the warden bitch.

Bush stepped forward to help ease air travel delays in advance of the thanksgiving holiday. How about getting rid of the moronic passport regulations and endless security screenings, dude?

Hillary Clinton canceled a fund-raising event with the Sikh community in California this week. Event planner Bob Virk accused her political staff of not wanting to see Hillary Clinton with people wearing turbans. A spokesman for the Clinton campaign called that suggestion ridiculous-- saying that Hillary has always felt that turbans can make a nice accessory for bad-hair days.

Italian courts have tackled a long-standing critical issue-- banning gossip in the media. Mafia Dons applauded the move, saying that spurious talk of their extramarital affairs, hair transplants and plastic surgeries have had a corrosive effect on their ability to extort money from the general public.

Saudi Arabian officials defended a six-month jail sentence levied against a rape victim this week by its Supreme Judicial Council. A court watcher was quoted as saying, "The bitch deserved it. Men cannot be responsible for controlling their urges or interpreting Islamic law correctly-- men are savages, let's admit it."


This weekend at the movies: "The Mist" looks like a re-hash of "Dawn of the Dead". Maybe the title refers to the smoke that was hanging over the room where the film's screenwriters worked. "August Rush" seems appropriately titled-- that's how much of a hurry people will be in to go see the flick. My bet: The Coen brothers' "No Country For Old Men", based on Cormac McCarthy's book and starring Tommy Lee Jones and Javier Bardem.

The Week That Was: 11/9/07

Pakistan is a mess. Musharraf imposes martial law, suspends constitution, places opposition leaders under house arrest-- but later softens, promising to hold free elections within months. Bottom line: no promises yet to reinstate impartial judges to the supreme court. Many say the current situation is a sham, with the sole purpose being the elimination of anti-Musharraf judges.

Hollywood writers are on strike, and Fox has postponed the January debut of "24" indefinitely. Jack Bauer to the rescue, please!

King Tut finally showed his face-- in all his buck-toothed, wrinkled glory. Sean and Christian from Nip/Tuck to the rescue!

Walter Mondale endorsed Hillary Clinton for president. We didn't care for Mondale in 1984, why should we care now?

Nancy Grace popped twins this week. She's going to name them "Guilty" and "Not Guilty".

Stephen Colbert was forced off the South Carolina primary ballot, effectively ending his mock presidential bid. Colbert said, "Although I lost by the slimmest margin in presidential election history—only 10 votes—I have chosen not to put the country through another agonizing Supreme Court battle. It is time for this nation to heal."

John Kerry said he'll be ready for the Swift-boaters next time. What next time?

French PM Sarkozy was a smash in Washington this week. Nevertheless, France will not be sending troops to Iraq, and freedom fries were not served at his state dinner.

Rosie O'Donnell blabbed about her negotiations with MSNBC and her proposed show fell through. News that Dan Abrams would continue on the air indefinitely sent the dollar to new lows.

Doctors now say it's good to be fat. Another order of wings with extra blue cheese dressing!

Pat Robertson, founder of the Christian Coalition, endorsed Republican presidential candidate Rudy Giuliani. After the press conference, Rudy was called upon to perform the Heimlich maneuver when Robertson began choking on his pride.

At the movies this weekend-- my pick is the Coen brothers' No Country For Old Men. As for Redford's film, I can't figure out if Tom Cruise is the lion or the lamb.

The Week That Was: 9/7/07

Fred Thompson is in. Jack McCoy officially takes over as District Attorney.

Jerry Lewis uses the "F" word; Eddie Griffin uses the "N" word. Fuck No!

It ain't over until the fat lady sings. For Pavarotti-- the fat man, anyway.

Apple's refunds to overeager IPhone buyers leaves IPod buyers wondering if they overpaid too . . .

Senator Larry Craig resigns, then reconsiders, then decides he probably will resign after all. Some degree of indecisiveness in recently-outed gay people is to be expected, I suppose.

Thousands of faulty Chinese-made condoms were returned by the DC government. I guess that explains why they have over a billion people over there.

Katie says there's significant improvements in Iraq. I guess "CBS" stands for "Couric's Been Smoking" . . .

Adventurer Steve Fossett went missing in the Nevada desert this week. Three days, and no signal . . . from a guy who probably has GPS implanted in his dog, I'd say he's circling the drain.

George Bush tells Australia's Johnny Howard he's kicking ass in Iraq. Yeah, Petraeus' ass-- for recommending a troop reduction.

At the Movies-- go with "3:10 to Yuma", which pits Maximus (Crowe) against Batman (Bale) in a remake of the classic Elmore Leonard western. The film takes place in the 1800's, so you won't be seeing Crowe through any phones at anybody.

The Week That Was: 8/24/07

With an intensity far greater than that of the former Vermont Governor, Hurricane Dean slammed into Mexico this week. Although there was great destruction, only eight hurricane-related deaths have been reported so far.

The Queen of Mean died this week. No, not Hillary-- Leona Helmsley. This blogger seemed to put her death in perspective quite nicely.

(Former?) Falcons quarterback Michael Vick pled guilty to charges in his dog-fighting case. But there's more 'bad newz' to come-- as gambling charges against him are still pending.

After denying since 2004 that Iraq was like Vietnam, Bush is now comparing Iraq to Vietnam. Is anybody really listening to what he has to say on Iraq anymore?

Putin and Sarkozy both create minor media sensations after doffing their shirts. The French President benefited from a Photoshop-savvy editor who made his love handles disappear. Russia's Putin solved the same problem the low-tech way-- by hiking his pants up to his belly button. All right, George-- it's your turn. Let's see if all that bike riding has done any good.

Lindsay Lohan was charged with only seven misdemeanors this week, in connection with her DUI arrests from May and July. On both occasions, she was found in possession of cocaine and was (supposedly) to have undergone rehab after the first incident. How the L.A. district attorney retains any shred of credibility after this fiasco (Forgot about Paris Hilton already?) is beyond me.

Unfortunately, there's still some fairly slim pickings at the multiplex this weekend. The Daily Dude's best pick for a movie is "Resurrecting the Champ"-- on the plus side, it stars Samuel Jackson; on the negative side, it always stars Josh Hartnett. The documentary "Deep Water"-- about the first solo, non-stop boat race around the world-- could be pretty good, too.

The Week That Was: 8/17/07

Looks like Bush is losing his "Big Brain". Karl Rove announced that he will be leaving the White House at the end of the month. The question is-- will George be able to tie his shoes by himself or pick out his own ties without him?

A wild week on Wall St is causing investors to run for the exits. So let me get this straight. For the last couple of years, a bunch of ding-a-lings have been overpaying for real estate-- and now that they can't pay their bills, the rest of us are going to suffer?

The federal government was forced to pay a Texas couple $80,000 in compensation this week for impeding their free speech at Bush's July 4th speech in Charleston. The Secret Service had detained the couple because they were wearing anti-Bush t-shirts. Never ones to let Constitutional freedoms get in the way, the Bush White House denied any wrongdoing in the matter.

Beckham scored his first goal with the L.A. Galaxy this week in a 2-0 win over DC United. No word yet on how many times he has scored with his wife (the former Posh Spice) since moving to L.A. . . .

An 8.0 magnitude earthquake rocked Peru this week-- the death toll is at 450, and will likely rise over the coming days. In Washington, President Bush offered condolences and said the administration was studying how best to send help. Without Karl Rove on duty, I guess George forgot how to write a check.

Stormin' Mormon: Romney won straw polls in Iowa and Illinois this week.

Four suicide bombings in Iraq this week killed at least 200 people in one of the worst attacks of the war. But thank goodness, we have wall-to-wall coverage of the Utah mine rescue!

Yone Minagawa, the world's oldest person, died this week at age 114. The secret of her longevity? She had an "alcoholic drink" every day. So what are we waiting for? Party on!

At the Movies: "The Invasion" looks to be a real turkey. Although "Superbad" may turn out to be fairly good, let the college crowd have at it. Be sure to go back and see "La Vie en Rose" and "Talk To Me" before they disappear from the multiplex for good.