Fruit Loopy

Elizabeth Edwards (wife of presidential candiate John Edwards) today said that she would no longer be eating tangerines, in the interest of helping eliminate global warming. She indicated that she was willing to sacrifice eating certain foods in order to reduce the "carbon footprint" incurred by transporting food that wasn't grown locally. There was no early indication from the campaign trail regarding Edwards' stance on the burgeoning 'tangelo' issue either.

A spokesman from the Duke University Medical and Fitness Center applauded the move, saying that a woman of Edward's height and weight should probably reduce her intake of fruit sugars anyway. Reporters were unable to obtain comment from singer Sheryl Crow on whether this bold new initiative from Edwards would be enough to allow the rest of the nation to resume the use of multiple sheets of toilet paper per restroom visit.

Republican critics pointed out it would certainly help to limit greenhouse gases if Edwards would just shut up to begin with. Others were now openly questioning whether it would be acceptable to eat fruit grown uphill so that gravity could be used for shipping. Many fear that such a plan would be impractical however, if rumors proved true that Congress was planning on introducing a bill outlawing gravity, due to its unfair burden on overweight poor people.

In an unrelated story, the Daily Dude announced today that he is giving up broccoli, as reduced flatulence and methane output will contribute further to a reduction in global warming.