British Bedeviled By Basra Badger Bullshit

The Iraqi port city of Basra, already prey to a nasty turf war between rival militia factions, has now been gripped by a scary rumor – giant badgers are stalking the streets by night, eating humans.

According to the story in the Daily Telegraph, the marauding animals were allegedly released into the area by British forces. Local farmers have caught and killed several of the beasts, but this has done nothing to dispel the rumour. In recent months, the story has spread like wildfire in the streets of the city and the surrounding villages.

According to Mushtaq Abdul-Mahdi, director of Basra's veterinary hospital, “These animals appeared before the fall of the regime in 1986. They are known as Al-Ghirayri and locally as Al-Girta. Talk that this animal was brought by the British forces is incorrect and unscientific.” But not everybody is convinced.

“I believe this animal appeared following a raid to the region by the British forces,” said Ali Mohsen, a farmer in his 40s from Karmat Ali, near the air base used by the multinational force. “As we are close to the airport, they probably released this animal into the area.”

British troops have been based in Basra since the 2003 invasion, and locals are quick to blame them for almost any calamity that befalls the area – including this apparent plague of vicious badgers with long claws and powerful jaws. Both the scientists and the soldiers agree that the badger is not a danger to humans unless provoked, but so far they have failed to reassure the populace.

“I was sleeping at night when this strange animal hit me on my head. I have not seen such an animal before. My husband hurried to shoot it but it was as swift as a deer,” Suad Hassan, a 30-year-old housewife said. “It is the size of a dog but his head is like a monkey. It runs so quickly.”

Cell phone video of the badgers circulating in Basra shows a stocky skunk-like animal with long front claws. The honey badger, or ratel, is known as a brave predator capable of killing a cobra. It weighs up to 14kg.

Sattar Jabbar, a 50-year-old local farmer from Abu Sakhar north of Basra, believes the badger can tackle even large prey. “I saw it three days ago at night attacking animals. It even ate a cow. It tore the cow up piece by piece. I tried to shoot it with my gun but it ran away into the orchards. I missed it,” he said.