Fucking Up The Oath Of Office

From the great state of Maine:

I, Chief Justice John Roberts do solemnly swear:

That I royally f**ked up trying to administer the presidential Oath of Office from memory.

That I embarrassed myself and the nation by getting something so simple---something memorized by every boy and girl in, like, second grade---so excruciatingly wrong.

And, in so doing, came within a butt hair of accidentally making Sasha Obama President of the United States-- not that that would necessarily be a bad thing, but you have to admit juggling first grade and the presidency might be a bit much for a seven year old.

But I digress.

Most important, I do solemnly swear that four years from now, when I'm swearing in Barack Obama for a second term-- in fact, any time I'm swearing anybody in for anything, whether it's President of the United States or notary public-- I will execute the...no, wait!...

I will faithfully execute the Herculean task of doing what Justice John Paul Stevens had the good sense to do, given the gravity of the moment, by bringing an index card---which I can get a whole pack of for a buck over at The Dollar Store---on which I will have scribbled, legibly, the words to the Oath of Office, so that I don't f**k up again, unnecessarily reminding the world once more that I am an appointee of former President Bush.

So help me God. Faithfully.