U.N. Sec. Gen Ban Ki-Moon visited Antarctica last week. Dude-- you're pathetic. Not only did you miss Ann Curry by over a day, she's already married! Do something about that global warming in your pants.
Baseball's steroid king Barry Bonds was indicted on charges he lied to a grand jury. Let's hope that baseball takes away the arrogant wanker's home run record as well.
Army desertion rates are at their highest in over 25 years. Duh. It just shows that soldiers are smarter than their commanders (in chief) and know when to get out.
Lindsay Lohan served 84 minutes in jail for a drunk driving offense. Just enough time for her to score some blow off the warden bitch.
Bush stepped forward to help ease air travel delays in advance of the thanksgiving holiday. How about getting rid of the moronic passport regulations and endless security screenings, dude?
Hillary Clinton canceled a fund-raising event with the Sikh community in California this week. Event planner Bob Virk accused her political staff of not wanting to see Hillary Clinton with people wearing turbans. A spokesman for the Clinton campaign called that suggestion ridiculous-- saying that Hillary has always felt that turbans can make a nice accessory for bad-hair days.
Italian courts have tackled a long-standing critical issue-- banning gossip in the media. Mafia Dons applauded the move, saying that spurious talk of their extramarital affairs, hair transplants and plastic surgeries have had a corrosive effect on their ability to extort money from the general public.
Saudi Arabian officials defended a six-month jail sentence levied against a rape victim this week by its Supreme Judicial Council. A court watcher was quoted as saying, "The bitch deserved it. Men cannot be responsible for controlling their urges or interpreting Islamic law correctly-- men are savages, let's admit it."
This weekend at the movies: "The Mist" looks like a re-hash of "Dawn of the Dead". Maybe the title refers to the smoke that was hanging over the room where the film's screenwriters worked. "August Rush" seems appropriately titled-- that's how much of a hurry people will be in to go see the flick. My bet: The Coen brothers' "No Country For Old Men", based on Cormac McCarthy's book and starring Tommy Lee Jones and Javier Bardem.
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