Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Agent Jack Hoff Calling!

It seems that an Arizona Special Agent is now a hardened criminal-- at least, according to the tale told by campus police at Tucson's University of Arizona, where FBI Agent Ryan Seese was arrested May 3, shortly after a cleaning lady observed him whacking off in the women's restroom of the student union.

According to the campus police report, “As [the cleaning lady] was wiping off the last stall door, the door was opened by a white male standing inside the stall with his pants below his knees. She went on to say she saw his penis and the male was masturbating by rubbing his hand over his erect penis.”

Seese fled the bathroom after exposing himself, and the cleaning lady's supervisor called the campus cops. Officer Gary Fountain soon arrived and walked with the frazzled custodian back to the scene of the crime. He writes, "I was standing outside of the women's bathroom with (the cleaning lady) waiting for the women using the bathroom to exit, when I saw a male walk out of the same women's bathroom."

As soon as he reappeared, the custodian cried "That's the guy!" And Seese took off faster than Agent Mulder after a UFO. The chase continued to the parking garage where Seese was eventually aprehended by Officer Fountain. Seese was then taken to a holding area where police swabbed his hands for samples and made him take off his clothes, now evidence. Seese was cited on three counts: indecent exposure, public sexual indecency, and criminal trespass. Seese was later released, with his FBI supervisor stopping by to pick him up.

Back in the bathroom, Tucson police investigators collected "wadded up tissue with possible semen from the feminine product receptacle," as well as "a hair found inside the toilet bowl." They also took a sample of the stall floor using sheets of sticky tape.

No word on whether Special Agent Seese had been "discharged" by the FBI.

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