Being On Good Terms With Your Real Estate Agent

If you're in the house market (like the Daily Dude), this primer on interpreting real estate listings might benefit you.

1. Baroque = Broken
2. Casual Living = Your neighbors have a refrigerator on their front lawn
3. Charming = Corners don’t line up. Sagging porch.
4. Country Living = Your street will never see a snow plow.
5. Cozy = Cramped
6. Diverse Wildlife = Raccoons will raid your garbage. Bats will roost in your attic. Coyotes will eat your dog. Bears will eat your children.
7. Urban Setting = Ghetto
8. Family-ready = Previous tenants left toys everywhere
9. Historic = Has ghosts
10. Interesting History = Has murderous ghosts
11. Laid-back Lifestyle = Retirement Community
12. Outdoor fire-pit = Previous owner burned the garage to the ground.
13. Private Drive = All your neighbors were eaten by redneck cannibals
14. Quaint = Outdated
15. Quiet neighbors = Cult compound
16. Scenic View = Adjacent Cemetery
17. Spacious = No windows
18. Starter Home = Cardboard box
19. Tree-lined = Welcome to the jungle
20. Unique Layout = Architect was unlicensed and possibly schizophrenic
21. Waterfront Property = Septic tank backs up in spring