The Latest Dispatch From the Dating Wars

From a recent Reddit thread on what men consider the hardest part about dating:

“It’s often impossible to navigate the frequently contradictory requirements.

“You need to be strong and stable but only when appropriate, and not too much or you’re a soulless rock, but you also need to be vulnerable and emotional — but similarly, only when appropriate and not too much, otherwise you’re not worthy of respect. You need to be sensitive, but only when they want you to be, and not when it makes them uncomfortable.

“You need to be independent and put together, able to handle all of your own shit without outside help, but you also need to open up and be open to being dependent on them in exactly the idealized way they imagine you should be, but not at all beyond that capacity.

“You need to be in good shape and fit, but also not in the gym all the time.

“You need a decent social life and friends to display you’re functional and not a serial killer, but you also need to not spend that much time with them or place so much importance on them that they might ever take precedence over your relationship.

“You need to be funny and charming and entertaining and appealing and make every effort to go the extra mile, but you also need to temper how interested you appear to be — otherwise you’re coming on too strong. But also, if you don’t appear sufficiently interested, they’ll think you don’t like them at all, even if you keep making all the effort to interact with them regularly.

“You need to make the move, but only when they’re comfortable and not a second beforehand, because that will make them uncomfortable, and they won’t tell you when you’re on the right side of that line — and if you ask, there’s a decent chance that can and will ruin the moment. But also, you need to respect their autonomy and boundaries and not do anything that could be perceived as pushy, so you better thread the needle, but also, if you don’t make a move when you were supposed to, then the responsibility is entirely on you. And if things fizzle, that’s your fault and not theirs, and they will immediately assume you aren’t that interested in them if you didn’t make a move when you were supposed to, so you had better get good at reading minds.”