Horny Herkimer Halfwits Hump Holsteins

"I need me some hot heffers!"

A farmer in Herkimer County, N.Y. couldn't figure out why his cows seemed more anxious than usual.  It seemed that they weren't producing as much milk as they normally do-- so he decided to set up a surveillance camera.

What he saw shocked him: two men were making a porn film, co-starring his livestock. The farmer, whose name has not been identified, contacted authorities who conducted their own investigation.  As a result, 35-year-old Michael Jones (left) and 31-year-old Reid Fontaine (right) were arrested for misdemeanor sexual misconduct.  According to reports, the footage showed Fontaine attempting to have sex with several cows while Jones filmed the encounters. The two were released on an appearance ticket.

The suspects aren't the first men accused of having bovine sex. In 2008, Brazilian cleaner Getulino Ferreira Paraizo was accused of having sex with over 400 cows. The 53-year-old told police he did not fancy women and only cows and horses got him randy.  He said he preferred the more tranquil animals. 

Before you think about romancing your own Elsie, be warned that a 2011 study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine found that men who have had sex with animals were twice as likely to develop penile cancer as those who stick with their own species.