Jihad: The Musical!

A new British musical play is stirring intense criticism and public indignation, with a petition calling for the Prime Minister to condemn the musical having already been launched on his Downing Street website. "Jihad: the Musical", which features a burkha-clad chorus line dancing with mock-ups of missiles, rifles and grenade launchers, opened last month to mixed reviews at the Edinburgh Festival.




The controversial satire about Islamic terrorism includes such classic tunes as "Building A Bomb Today, What Does The Manual Say" and "I Wanna Be Like Osama". The play's featured love ballad (sung by the young hero to his burkha-clad mentor) is called "I Only See Your Eyes". In another scene, a French crowd sings "We Turned And Ran", whose lyrics go as follows:

Sacre bleu! Zut alors! I was all for ‘oly War!
But I ‘ad no fire to quench!
My brothers in arms tried to squash my qualms.
But I’m afraid that I’m too French!

So as zay marched to fight ze enemy!
From under ze bed I ‘eard ze charge!
I ‘ad been ‘iding zair all afternoon,
Wis a beret and some fromage!

So zen I teep-toed to ze l’aéroport!
And got on a non-stop flight to Cannes!
While lesser men would fight, I made sure zat I’m all right,
Being French, I turned and ran!

Turned and ran, turned and ran!
Better living as a mouse than die a man!
Sroughout l’histoire, it’s la France’s oldest plan.
Turned and ran, turned and ran, turned and ran!

Producer James Lawler has downplayed the protest, saying: "We have no intention of causing offence or insult with this show-- it is simply a musical comedy."

"Jihad: The Musical" tells the story of a young Afghan peasant, Sayid. Coming from the desert, Sayid dreams of proving himself to his bossy sister Shazzia and to the world, by making it as a flower farmer. Enchanted by a mysterious veiled woman, he leaps at her offer to work for a company that ‘exports poppies’ to the West. Unfortunately, Sayid soon discovers that the woman is a terrorist, and the company a front for a jihadi cell seeking to blow up targets in the West, most particularly one known as the Unidentified, Very Prestigious Landmark.

Farce ensues as Sayid is brainwashed by the all-singing, all-dancing jihadis, vowing to fight for their cause. Meanwhile, a sinister reporter, Foxy Redstate, uncovers the plot, encouraging Sayid to keep her in the loop in the hope that such an exclusive will propel her to media stardom. Sayid finds himself caught between the terrorists on one hand and the media on the other, driven to share in their enthusiasm for the impending terrorist spectacular. Fortunately help is on the way in the form of his no-nonsense sister, who teams up with a surrender-prone Frenchman to come to the rescue. Everything comes to a head on the night of the attack, where, caught between his sister, the bloodthirsty global media, and the jihadis he has come to see as a new family, Sayid has to decide whose side he is really on.

In its review of the show, the Independent said: "The truth is that although the show doesn't exactly bomb, neither Zoe Samuel's lyrics nor Evan Cabnet's production are quite sharp enough to offend. It could have been a lot more topical and hard-hitting if it wanted to be really inflammatory." The reviewer added that the ending was "almost heart-warming".